I've Found myself laboring over my wife lately I feel as though thing are relay over but do not understand?

why there is STOL a spark in me for her! I have been the Major re son for our brake up, not all my Flat but could have done thing's differently. Like when I married her and was bombarded about my past and I was not happy about my past, but pride gave way to the truth and there for in order to not get hurt i had my re sons, but I did make myself out to look better than i relay knew I was .How can you come clean with someone who tells there X Boyfriend, that you are just a room ate and then you hear about it later please understand that I know that is no excuse to not be totally Inst how ever I felt be trade, and bitter there for became very weak as far as my Alberto was concerned. How ever I still made the wrong call But relay had never had a woman make me feel as she did and off ten started to dislike myself there for letting the X boyfriend get to me more than i should have, but my pride was shunted and my feel ins where hurt, so I never came completely clean With her! I told her about one thing and to save my self from hurt in the fut er I changed the players a little relay had taken place, but not the people I had said where the real player than I took it back to avoid unneeded stress! I should told her what relay happened! that there relay was a babbie but I didn't get it because of post stress disorder and the mother of my girl at the time gave him away I had no chance to be dad and my shrink thought it best to act as if it where like a bad death! there for I did and meet a new woman with a kid and try ed to make him jr! but i was payed from the start in that game All I ever wanted was to be a dad and a great husband but it was all out of my cont role, WOW I wish I would have told her but was afraid she would think i was nuts! I lost more than a wife I lost my best friend and I have not had many of those in life How ever I did try to come clean several times though there was always something more important to do. how ever we where doing I relay had thought about what I was taking on at the time but soon was lying behind the 8 ball, with no way to make it Right! I do you see I have always loved this woman but was to scared to let my gar ed down After being so badly hurt in years past, but she didn't make this any easy er by starting to speak on the phone with her x and I guise I was just to on gard to fight it or something I relay wish I would have just stood a side and bowed out gracefully! I relay feel as though I was some what dishonest but with precast reasoning, I feel I relay should have stood Down and let her decide for herself she use to relay love me I hope but was gone with my de site I feel as though I didn't handle this right and maybe it had something to do with being adopted myself only know I had no choice and lost my only Promise to my self.